Aren't you already making a journal/diary on this site?

It sounds dangerous that you trust yourself with the dangerous items. I guess the nurse didn't really have a choice (other than lie to you, agree and then remove it anyway) but does your wife know? Maybe now you could remove it/them/one yourself.... I'll be mentally hugging you meanwhile. ^^

Do you have a therapist or something? On the hospital or somewhere else? You obviously have a huge need of talking.

I also have a problem with noises... earplugs may work. :/ But when you go on these meals outside...what kind of noises are the ones that disturbs you? I bet your answer would be "all of them" but I more thinking of is it the sound of plates and forks and people eating? Is the traffic? Is it people talking to you? Cause if an empty restaurant would be better then go on meals at weird times like.. 3pm 4pm 8pm or 9pm... 10am. If it's the traffic then maybe if your "guests" have a car you can maybe go closer to the outskirts of your town or something.... i have no idea how large your town is or if you can find a peaceful place to have a meal but I believe it's great for you!

What does "15 min observation" actually mean?! :S Do they watch people for 15 min? Or do they say hi do people with the interval of 15 min? If someone can explain this for me that would be great!

Why do you feel like a failure.... do you get flashbacks from your bullying experiences? I usually do... :/ And I'm quite sure you were in some of bulllying thingy. (I dunno if it sounds like I mean you bullied people but that was not my intention) Let's try to approach these thoughts "objectively" (or mayeb rahter you). If I told you I want to hurt myself and live off medicine and people on this site and yet struggling in everyday life not to harm myself, would you call me or think of me as a failure? Would you see everyone on this site as a failure you have ever tried to end their lives? I doubt that. And if you are with me then you can probably see that you might be very hard on yourself. Just acknowledging this usually doesn't make it go away (I know that too well ) but it might be the first step.

About the attempt... I still dunno what to say...I read it all...and...well.. I'm still here... I'm sorry...

We like you tj don't go away! D:![imagine another throb here, I hit the limit of smileys... It has to be symmetrical!]