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Originally Posted by Momentofclarity
Aren't you already making a journal/diary on this site?
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I do indeed, however this journal is as the situations are happening, to catalogue my thoughts, feelings, coping strategies and then have it reviewed by a nurse on each shift (3 times a day) or if I am really struggling approach them with what I've written rather than have my mouth do the talking which I am very uncomfortable doing.
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It sounds dangerous that you trust yourself with the dangerous items. I guess the nurse didn't really have a choice (other than lie to you, agree and then remove it anyway) but does your wife know? Maybe now you could remove it/them/one yourself.... I'll be mentally hugging you meanwhile. ^^
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Well to be fair, I don't know how effective the item would actually be... if broken it would be very jagged but not sure how deep it would penetrate. Ironically I've been lent one by one of the nurses too... which makes me query if they actually consider it a safe item... or just hadn't considered it being used in that way. Wouldn't use his to do it of course.
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Do you have a therapist or something? On the hospital or somewhere else? You obviously have a huge need of talking.
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I do, but she has a 3 week holiday ending on the 28th which is when I see her next.
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I also have a problem with noises... earplugs may work. :/ But when you go on these meals outside...what kind of noises are the ones that disturbs you? I bet your answer would be "all of them" but I more thinking of is it the sound of plates and forks and people eating? Is the traffic? Is it people talking to you? Cause if an empty restaurant would be better then go on meals at weird times like.. 3pm 4pm 8pm or 9pm... 10am. If it's the traffic then maybe if your "guests" have a car you can maybe go closer to the outskirts of your town or something.... i have no idea how large your town is or if you can find a peaceful place to have a meal but I believe it's great for you!
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A number of different noises... children screaming, people talking, clatter of plates, doors opening/closing, music/tv blaring.... multiple conversations in a group I'm familiar with happening at once.
It totally disrupts my concentration... I can be in mid sentence... noise happens... I turn startled towards it and lose my train of thought.
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What does "15 min observation" actually mean?! :S Do they watch people for 15 min? Or do they say hi do people with the interval of 15 min? If someone can explain this for me that would be great!
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I'm on 10 minute observations which means every 10 minutes someone comes to check on me if I'm not within line of sight. Essentially it's a safe guard to ensure that should I make another attempt, I would be found within that time frame and thus reducing the chance of death due to proximity of resuscitation and medical assistants.
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Why do you feel like a failure.... do you get flashbacks from your bullying experiences? I usually do... :/ And I'm quite sure you were in some of bulllying thingy. (I dunno if it sounds like I mean you bullied people but that was not my intention)
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The answer to that would be a big reply in itself.... but in short I was emotionally and physically abused/neglected from the age of 5 both at home (emotional mostly) and at school up until the point of leaving home for university.
[quote] Let's try to approach these thoughts
"objectively" (or mayeb rahter you). If I told you I want to hurt myself
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and live off medicine and people on this site and yet struggling in everyday life not to harm myself, would you call me or think of me as a failure? Would you see everyone on this site as a failure you have ever tried to end their lives? I doubt that. And if you are with me then you can probably see that you might be very hard on yourself. Just acknowledging this usually doesn't make it go away (I know that too well  ) but it might be the first step.
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What you're saying is logical, but emotional damage can override logic. Of course I do not see others here as failures... but I wouldn't be surprised that many here feel that they are anyway even though logic contradicts that. Reminds me of the phrase of 'being unable to follow your own advice'; When we look at other people we are able to give advice objectively because it is not impacting directly on us... we are not enduring the stress and confusion that certain situations bring so we are looking at it from the outside.
However... the opposite is true when you find yourself in that situation and you are overwhelmed by it.
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About the attempt... I still dunno what to say...I read it all...and...well.. I'm still here... I'm sorry...
We like you tj don't go away!
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Thanks, I am trying my hardest to fight this
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Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK