Kiya,
My first suggestion is to put the alter on lockdown in a safe room. My next suggestion would be to have a protector who will promise not to hurt the body to come out for a little bit. You should maybe go in a safe room as well? Maybe the protector can talk to your T for you? Usually, I don't suggest these two things right away, but it sounds to me like you need help, and these are the two suggestions I have at the moment.
I also agree with glok, print this post out and give it to your T.
Please keep talking to us here. Nobody on this forum should judge you. Many of us may have actually been where you currently are. We are here to support you.
Hugs.

Be safe,

Celtic