Quote:
Originally Posted by Rh01
Hi all.
The latest is I went to see yet another therapist. This one seems to know a bit about my sons problem. I had a private meeting wit him first during the week then My Wife myself and My Son had an appointment of Fri last. The therapist had us all in an office together where we discussed our son's problem. We also told him of our son's request to be a baby at home. The therapist tried to discuss with our Son however our Son wasn't forthcoming in talking to the therapist. So after a while our son was sent to the games room to wait, The therapist had left some fetish books there referring to this subject and Left our son in that room while we talked some more. It would seem from that talk that our Son is experimenting with his sexuality and his transition from teen to adult. Sometimes it takes a little nudge in the right direction to steer the the teen to know the difference between what should be done in the privacy of his own room or what he needs us as a family for. The therapist said that while what our son is doing is not a major cause for alarm it would be best to get it back to the son's private space. This unfortunately is going to take some weeks it's not an overnight cure and there is no magic wand to make it go away. The therapist has to build a friendship with our son and also gain his trust. Which for us that means there is a bitter pill to swallow. The therapist asked if we were in a position to allow our son his request in the privacy of our own home with family only would we be prepared to accept and help our son realise that being a baby full time is not exactly like he dreams it to be and that if he were to be allowed this. That would mean that all his teen gadgets he has would be confiscated until he was a responsible person to use these items. It would also mean that we as parents would be changing nappies again. According to therapist these books that were left in games room are a sort of help for him they do mention this fetish and they talk in there about the best ways that his fetish could nurture in the privacy of his own room without the aid of any unwilling participant. The mind is a wonderful thing and left to it's own devices it can produce the best scenarios ever thought possible. I haven't agreed as yet to the therapist he did say that he understands that it's a lot to take in but go home and think about it and let him know how we intend to proceed. So what you think does this sound like good reasoning I am kind of torn between yes and no myself I can see the merit in it. Then I can also see the downside my 16 year old as a baby for a number of weeks until he builds a friendship and trust with therapist. Thanks in advance
Regards
Rh01
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Well, Rh01, I hate to go against the recommendations of a qualified therapist. But I see a bunch of potential problems here. First of all, has your son actually stated in so many words that he wants to go back to being a baby, or is this the supposition that is being made based on his actions & the way he has decorated his room? How does this relate to the idea of this whole situation being related to him exploring his sexuality?
I would certainly agree that there is no cause for alarm here. And, yes, in order for any therapist to work with your son, there's going to be a period of several weeks, or maybe longer, before they're going to be able to develop a level of trust.
Where I start to have difficulty is with the idea of him returning to being a baby at home. The reason for my concern here is, he can't be at home 24/7 presumably. If nothing else, I would assume he's going to have to go back to school in the fall. So, while he's living as a baby at home, he's having to revert 180 degrees every morning & go to school, then come home & do it again in reverse. Monday mornings could be a real shock, if he enjoys being a baby.
This question of changing nappies also concerns me. First of all, can you & your wife change his nappies for, perhaps, weeks or months? This isn't going to be like changing a baby's nappies. And what if your son decides he likes it? How long are you prepared to do this for? What's the "exit strategy"? Also, has anyone actually talked with him about this? Does he want to have you & your wife changing him? The fact that he wears diapers doesn't automatically mean he wants you changing them or should have you changing them either for that matter. Or is he to be forced to have you change them because that's what is done for babies? That could make diaper changing quite an aversive event.
Then, with regard to taking away his "gadgets", of course, it makes sense that if one wants to be a baby, one should not expect to have "gadgets". However, even if your son reverts to babyhood, he's not really a baby & as such taking away his gadgets may be interpreted, by him, as punishment more than as the logical outcome of the choice he's making. I suppose this is one of the things that the therapist would be working to help him understand. However, this presumes that your son & the therapist are able to develop the necessary bond. To me, it also suggests there is an assumption this is a choice your son is making. He's choosing to adopt baby-like behaviors & so he needs to be shown what being a baby is all about... then he'll hopefully change his mind.
As other PC'ers who've responded to your previous posts have pointed out, there are many competent fully-functioning adults who have the types of predilections your son has. I'm not convinced that there is any choice occurring here. I'm inclined to think that these kinds of things are probably "hard-wired" into the brain, so to speak. And, if in fact this is the case, then trying to get your son to "change his mind" by taking away his gadgets & changing his nappies could be seen as abusive, not therapeutic. And, speaking of abusive, I don't know where you live, of course, but in the state of Minnesota in the U.S., there is a strong anti-child abuse sentiment with local, county & state organizations & government agencies to match. They do allot of good. But, in their zeal, they don't always get it right. Depending on how much child protection activity there is where you live, you may want to approach this whole thing carefully, lest things get out of hand quickly & without warning.