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<font color="green">My therapist is going to be out next week so I saw her today. What a session, my whole body aches from working so hard. I managed to say I was frustrated with her last time cos it felt like she was defending my mother's actions when I was trying to reach the anger. I tried and tried but only ended up shutting down cos I couldn't just flat out say I think I feel some anger and I couldn't tell her to stop defending my mother. Sadly, I kept on fighting this issue alone and caused myself to start some more flashbacks. Sigh.
Today I told her all that -- I even got out that I was not able to be angry with her or my mom or my dad. I then promptly had a huge panic attack... I worked like a dog to get through it and she really worked hard with me too. She suggested that we practice having me be angry with her. I think I started crying at that point. So we went back to this being a safe place and she is not going to abandon me. She asked me when did I think I would be able to say I was angry about her actions. I don't know -- it is just too hard right now. At one point, she was suggesting that she could stand on the other sofa, yell, and throw pillows at me. That finally helped ease things for me and I giggled. I went out from her office still trembling from the fear I had caused myself and the effort I had made. Still feel wound up but I am slowly learning to trust her more and more. I hate that I can't trust her enough yet.</font>
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dalila
Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.
-Erma Bombeck
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