my hope is that it'll never be worse. even when it does... i'm ALIVE during that worst part of life. maybe not excelling or sparkling, but alive. by tooth and by claw, i'm hanging on. the medication is a huge chunk of it, so don't give up on that despite it's horrors. but having a therapist is like having an ally. you can yell at them, tell them the most frightening things going through your mind. as long as you can keep yourself safe, they can't tell a soul! just find one you feel like you can be free in front of. it makes a helluva difference.