(((((((((purple))))))))))

I'm glad to hear you called a center for support. Did they help you at all? Were you able to hear and understand what they told you? I know that when a person is in crisis, they don't always hear what is being said as their minds just exist sometimes...not taking in what is being said. Call them as much as you need to hon....that's what they are there for.

Since it has only been a week since the assault, things are very very raw right now for you. I'm sure your emotions are all over the place from despair to anger to confusion. I have been in your situation. I was raped when I was in my teens. It's been 35 years since that awful, disgusting night. I can still remember just about everything. I hope that soon you will come to the realization that I came to. I realized that I did not and would not allow what happened to me to define me as a person, to rule my life forever or to let it keep me down any longer. This realization took time and a lot of effort on my part to dig out of the whole I went into because of the rape. But, I am a survivor and I believe that you are too.

You wrote - "I wish I could reach out but I do not feel worthy nor do I feel I can, not because I feel pressure but because I am scared. I know that I am not the only person to ever have this happen to them, I just feel so raw and exposed. I come here all the time and I read and I wish I could allow myself to reach out to all of you. I do not warrent such and I do not want to waste anyone's time. Time is valuable. I cling to post that I read here and how I wish I could be strong and open." And my response to this is that you have done exactly what you said you couldn't do....you HAVE reached out and asked for help. It takes a huge amount of strength to do what you have done here....you ARE a strong person. The other point is that YOU ARE worthy of asking for help. You are a human being who is suffering from the hands of some very vile people. What happened to you was NOT your fault. There is no wasting of anyone's time when we resond to your posts. We are all here for a reason, to connect with folks for support and knowledge. I am very impressed with the strength you have shown so far.

Your words are very well written and they do make sense. I can certainly understand what you are feeling. Of course you are scared....of many different things right now. I hope you can keep posting and in time feel more comfortable about being here. Writing can be a very big positive in recovery. Sometimes it's the only way a person can muddle through the thoughts and emotions in their mind.

I'm here purple....reaching out to you....you who deserves attention and support!

*Gentle Hugs*
J