Hello StbGuy, I just wanted to add my words of support here, too. Despite all your self-deprecation you sound like a very genuine and decent guy, so give yourself a break!

I must admit that I wonder if you are being at all realistic about this girl/woman, regardless of the reality. It sounds like you somewhat idealised her from the start, which many of us did in our teens and early 20's and then, because she 'got away from you' for whatever reason, she remained 'perfect' in your imagination ever since. The fact that you haven't met anyone else that touched you in quite the same way since, is the problem here.

I remember falling deeply in love with a girl when I was 18, who I did go out with for the next 5-6 years but who broke up with me. I was devastated and really didn't get over it until many years later. In fact, I didn't have sex with anyone else for many years simply because I felt so 'bonded' to that first love. But I did fall in love again, and it did feel as good as the first, better in many ways because it healed that heartbreak and made me feel whole again. And then that one ended and another came. Life goes on!

As for the prostitutes and sex addiction. I don't know what constitutes sex addiction for a young man with enough cash! I'm 50 now but if I could afford it I might well be doing the same. To be honest with you, very honest here, I kinda envy you the courage of your convictions. I've never been 'brave' enough to pay for sex!

In any case, you shouldn't let that affect your self esteem, which you clearly have. And I don't believe it's an issue until it becomes an issue, if you see what I mean. If you were in a committed relationship and continued seeing prostitutes then there would be an issue, but as a single, young guy with excess cash then I don't see the issue.

I also agree you have to be cautious about that diagnosis and not take it on without further research. It may be wrong. It may be only partially right. It sounds to me like you are better and more capable than you give yourself credit for. So I think your main 'issue' is self-esteem rather than anything else. If you felt better about yourself much of the rest of it would fall into place.

So take a step back and don't be so hard on yourself. Many of us guys have experienced the same, or similar situations in our youth, as you describe. Lost 'perfect' loves. Feeling inadequate about our own atttractiveness. Feeling over sexed in some way - most guys end up masturbating endlessly and most would be too shy and awkward to even consider paying a woman for sex - I certainly was!

It's tough being a young man on so many levels. But you're not alone in the way you feel, it's a part of life, unfortunately, but it will pass. You will find the happiness and fulfilment you hope for, you have the right attitude, I can tell.