When I was first diagnosed it was for depression. I was lower than a worm in dirt. The last time I attempted suicide was 20 years ago and I haven't been down like that since. BiPolar disorder came into my life and the battle to control manic episodes took over. Recently however, I am a worm in dirt. It is a foreign yet familiar feeling that I don't like. I concentrate on my kid, bottom line. You said you have kids, maybe you can focus on them. EVERYONE ,needs their mom! That said, you are too worthy for that end. Hang in there