So the 1st thing I told my T about was my SI. He said that we definitely need to talk about that because in the past, it has always been mentioned, but never explored. BUT, he reminded me that on Tuesday he had promised that he would bring up the topic of getting angry at him in session (I had asked him to do so because if he didn't bring it up, it would never get addressed). So we decided to talk about that first.

We talked about my strongly somatic reaction in last Tuesday's session-- about how it was connected to my extreme fear of letting him know that I was angry with him.
Then he asked me to read the part of my journal that I wrote after the previous Tuesday session in which I got really mad at him. I told him that it said some very harsh things towards him and that I was scared to death to read it. I told him I was scared because if I read it, not only might I have to experience those angry feelings towards him again, but I was afraid I was going to *ruin* our relationship. After about 15 minutes of procrastinating and him telling me that it is okay-- that he will still be here no matter what-- I read it. I read to him, a whole paragraph in which I cursed him out, called him every name in the book, stated that I hate him, that I felt like he manipulated me, that I wish I never got caught up with him, and that I wanted to slam his door through the wall when I left.

and everything was okay.

he was right there.

We talked about the issue of two sessions per week. He said that he had suggested we wait a whole week to see what happens, since I said it would be too painful to have to reduce sessions once my internship started. I told him how no matter what the situation was, and no matter what I said, I felt abandoned just because he didn't tell me to come twice. That no matter what his intentions were, I felt rejected.

Then, in classic me-style, I brought something important up 5 minutes before the session ended. I started to tell him how I was slowly figuring out where my physical intimacy issues with my husband were coming from. (We had never really talked about this before. It was mentioned once, but I never elaborated because I was embarrassed as hell). I told him that holding and cuddling satisfied my inner-child, and that once I got comfortable enough to release that child in front of my husband, the adult went away, and I became afraid of "adult-like physical intimacy," at which point, my T goes.... "Ummm, I assume you mean sex?" I was like, "Yeaaahhhh.... that would be one of the words I have difficulty saying in therapy." We talked a little about how I never had problems with physical intimacy in the past, because I would never get attached to anyone-- I would just go from person to person. He noted how I love to bring up whoppers at the end of the session, and I stated I would try to return to this topic next time.

Then it was the end of the session. He asked me if I could come back on Tuesday. Then he said: I think two sessions per week will be really beneficial for you. And if coming twice per week is difficult once you start your internship, we will work around that.

I almost died.

Then he thanked me for reading that part of my journal to him. I laughed and told him I never had anyone thank me for cursing them out. I said to him, "You know, you're not that bad..." And he said, "Nah... Tuesdays are my bad days."

Then I fell down the stairs.

Yep, it's true. He didn't see. There was no way he could have because I left his room, and then began my decent down the stairs, which is a winding staircase. So based on the point of the staircase I was on when I busted my ***, there was no way he could have seen because I know he was still in the room. However, my unfortunate incident caused an enormous crash, in which there is no doubt that must have heard it. So basically, I left his room, and then two seconds later, there was a loud crash. He was probably thinking, "What the f*** just happened to her?" Once I recovered, I booked out of there as fast as hell, before he could come down and be like, "Um, are you okay?"