Wow Becky...I think you need to dial it back a little.

To start with, just because she has not had any education beyond the 12th grade does not make her 'dumb', by any means...just as your lack of grammatical ability does not condemn you to the list of 'stupid' either.

If she has cooked, cleaned, gardened and taken care of her husband and children...and is 'good at it', that does NOT mean she has no self esteem...nor does it make her 'ditzy' although, just for the record, ditzy can be considered rather cute and endearing....two things you have established with this post, you prefer not to be. I will add, with the comment about her self-esteem, you seem to be judging her by the yardstick you have set for yourself...and by your own words, you have come up wanting.

You refer to yourself as your bf's spouse when you ask why 'mother's of boyfriends say things like to the spouse of their son [sic]'....you are not the spouse. You are the gf...and if you continue to alienate and complain to your bf about his mother, it will go very unpleasantly for you, guaranteed.

Her comment that you are a 'late bloomer'..I grant is not easily understood, but the snarky reply outlining the time you reached sexual maturity, showed without a doubt your immaturity. She made, what I thought, a rather abstract answer to your question; you made it a personal attack and then defended yourself. If you think YOU were confused, I cannot imagine her confusion was any less with your reply.

Her comment about you just waking up when she came over (after your surgery 4 weeks previous) ....not sure what type of surgery, time frame for recovery etc...but if this woman has spent the majority of her life caring for other people, she may honestly have not understood your 'lying in' when so much needed (in her opinion) to be done. Simply explaining might have helped her understand....I'm relatively certain, that was NOT your response.

Let me finish by saying I had the mother-in-law from hell....seriously.

I was told, that before I'd ever met her or my ex-H, she too did the cleaning, cooking, the raising of 6 children ostensibly by herself as her husband was in the army and gone from the family the majority of her married life--and when he retired he only lived a few years before passing away from a stroke, which was considered a service related injury as he'd been literally blown out of 2 tanks during the Korean war. This woman then had to take responsibility for all 6 children, 3 who were underage when he passed....she never held a job before, and had to find work. She did. She paid off the family home and managed to save a little until she, herself retired and she never stopped working until she was of retirement age. She did, eventually end up a bitter, nasty woman who blamed her husband for dying and foisted upon my (now ex) husband the mantle of his father, like it or not. But I never, ever, nor would I ever, take away what she accomplished with what she was given.....nor should you, his mother.

Perhaps, if you try to avoid feeling that she is a competitor in your life with your bf, and actually get to KNOW her...you might find the respect for her she deserves. With my ex MIL, I did find it....she became awful much later in her years, but I still would never deny her kudo's for her achievements, nor would I berate her because she never went to college.

You will do yourself a huge service if you TRY....your bf will appreciate it, your (possible) mother-in-law might discover a charming, witty woman who will be the husband to a beloved son, and mother to her grandchildren....and you will have matured an 'early bloomer' Don't heed my words.....and I can pretty much promise....you are in for a miserable marriage to your bf................that is, if he decides to marry you, and thereby bring you into his family...at all.

Take care.

Btw...I have a 12th grade education, am a member of Mensa, and am no dummy.