My boyfriend is divorced and its having some effects on me about a possible wedding in the future. I know, people always say "It doesn't matter" or "It just shows how much he loves you if he wants to get married again" but it matters to me.

To me, marriage is a very very serious commitment. He promised to spend the rest of his life with another woman and that didn't work out and now here I am. How will I feel knowing those things he says to me have been said to someone else before. The original person he wanted to spend his life with? Watching her walk down the isle. It hurts me. It really really hurts me.

It also makes me feel bad about myself. We have very different ideas about an ideal wedding and his other wedding was much more what he wanted. Now I feel like if I get anything my way then I'm the bride who didn't give him what he wanted and then I also lose out on stuff that's important to me if I do give him what he wants. Anything I don't compromise on will just make me feel like poo.

It also makes me sad that he and his ex wife had such closer taste on this. I just feel so bad and I also feel bad because apparently she was like the "classic" bride who was all excited and had her dad pay for her wedding and everything. Well my dad is gone, I'm poor, and weddings never excited me that much. Now I feel like a failure of a bride if I'm not all girly and bouncing off the walls like he said he likes and my wedding won't be as nice because I can't afford it.

The idea of marrying him makes me so sad, but so does the idea of not getting married. I don't want to hear that it doesn't matter if he was married before because it matters to ME.

I just don't know what to do and I wish I didn't feel this way