Hi. Your concerns for me are noted and much appreciated. It's funny, in a sad, ironic way - total strangers on the internet care more about my existence than members of my own family. But that is material for a different thread elsewhere. I'll just say I'm grateful for your support and kindness.

Well, a couple of things. Medically, I can't get much more "supervised". Saw my pcp about 4 weeks ago, see her again in Sept. Saw the pulmonologist last week. Saw the psychiatrist last week. I see the cardiologist tomorrow. I see the integrative medicine doctor, who I went to for sports medicine/nutritional support, in a few weeks. Oh, and the chiropractor, I see him every few weeks on a professional basis, and he also gives me the occasional swimming lesson (he coaches and competes). So, yeah, I see a lot of doctors - I know that kind of sounds bad on paper, like I'm a hypochondriac or something, but I'm fighting to be well, not sick, and have actually made a lot of progress getting OFF of various medications and resolving some long-standing problems. Blood pressure meds, gone, I don't need them, my BP is now just about perfect. No more drugs for type II diabetes, weight loss took care of that. No cholesterol problems now, my blood lipids are great. That is progress. The other stuff, which is causing me problems -- I just have to keep fighting it, keep working on it, and hope for the best. One more pending surgery should help, I hope to get that done in August, I'll see what he says tomorrow.

I may be messed up, all around, but I am really fighting to fix myself. I am no longer willing to live like I used to. Actually, living like I am now sucks, too ... the mental anguish part where I spend most of my time lost in inner torment while trying to keep a good poker face. I an trying to hook up with a trauma therapist ... maybe that will help.

So, I had a long talk with the head coach, about a whole lot of issues and thoughts. Including the big question, which is "why". He is a great guy. He has had a lot of struggles in life, and did what I am trying to do, turn himself around from a really bad place. So, he really understood what I am feeling. I made a decision ... yes, I am going to give it one more try. But in a different way. I am going to drop almost everything else, and start working with him exclusively on a one-on-one basis. But slowly, kind of phasing out other things for the rest of this year, and working with him on a step-up basis, starting slow and increasing both frequency and intensity. And, since I don't want to regress in other areas, he is going to itegrate strength training and flexiblity/balance exercise into the overall program. So, it will be some weights, some stretching, a whole lot of cardio.

And finally, we have an understanding that I can "pull the plug" at any time if it doesn't work out. If I can't physically or mentally handle it. They say corporatocracy can be heartless, but I have to say, I am impressed with the way this particular company is willing to work with clients, a lot of flexibility and a lot of service on the part of all of their trainers.