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Wants2Fly said:

I struggle with that balance too, but for a different reason. I have not achieved so many goals (wants) that I feel that not to have any is the best way to keep from getting hurt. Also many forms of spirituality seem to counsel detachment -- but one of my counselors also pointed out that this can be an escape from being engaged in life.

Then, too, as I've gotten older, I've found it more challenging to believe that I have what it takes to achieve my goals.

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I still struggle with this, for the same reasons you mentioned. I have a terrible fear of disappointment and the best way to avoid disappointment is to not open myself up for it... same goes for getting hurt. So, part of my therapy was accepting the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed, but realizing that I'm strong enough to handle those things.

One of my goals is to be in a loving, committed relationship and to have a child. As I get older (I'm 37 now), I worry that the window of opportunity (especially for having a child) may have closed. So, sometimes it's a lot easier for me (and safer) to pretend I don't want those things. I try not to give in to that defeatist attitude, though. I keep my hope alive and trust that I am strong enough to handle the disappointment if I don't attain those goals.

I realize in hindsight that my extreme gratitude while I had severe BPPV and agoraphobia, was a powerful (and positive) self-protection mechanism. I knew that if I fell into depression while I was in that situation, I might not be able to pull myself out of it. So, I used gratitude -- focusing on everything that was still good in my life and not thinking about the things I wished were better -- to keep myself from falling into that depression. Once I saw the hope of recovery, I had to work on letting go of that extreme gratitude, or else I would have been stuck... never moving forward with my life. One of the repercussions has been some depression since I have gotten my life back on track. Once I allowed myself to think about the time I had lost and focus on the things I still want, it was hard to deal with. It has been worth it, though. I'm making gains... little by little... one day at a time.

Gratitude is still a big part of my life, but I have learned to let some some aspirations in there too. It is still a struggle trying to find the balance.