Hi,
I'm perplexed about my relationship potential. I was single for almost all my adult life, the last decade of which was by choice. I recently (about 6 months ago) decided that I wanted to find a partner and didn't want to remain single.

I met someone a few months ago. On the first date, she made observations about my behavior and commented about the fact that I am self-conscious, afraid of judgment, etc. Despite this, she wanted to go out again and she was the one who contacted me again. However, after a few months of dating, she started criticizing me more and more. Some of the criticism is about facts that are correct (e.g. the fact that I'm not assertive and can't say what I want). Now she wants out--she proposed to either stay friends or continue with an open dating relationship in which we each can see other people.

I'm a little puzzled by the fact that she wanted to go out again with me after the first date even though she had already observed many things about me at that time. Maybe she wanted to give it a try?

The second thing I'm puzzled about is how to continue with her. She acknowledged that there are things that are working between us, for example, we get along when we're together and we like to go out to the same places. The open dating arrangement is tricky because one person can get hurt when the other finds someone else. I just lost my pet and the pain of losing both her and my pet is very high. I'm not sure I can even manage both losses at once on my own.

I have a feeling that the open dating arrangement is for people who are comfortable with parallel dating and are more experienced in relationships than me. At the same time, if we become just friends, how is it better for her? Wouldn't my behavior continue to trigger her criticism?

I told her that I am grateful for her direct communication with me. Other people I met in the past (whether for friendship or on dates) didn't give me this feedback and just didn't want to see me or socialize with me again. For me, I think it is good to hang out with her because I get to improve my behavior and social relationships. However, I can't force her to stay with me, and she's not responsible to help me improve.

Rose