I'm glad the kids are aware and dealing well with your pain. I so understand the "It's me that puts so much pressure on myself." I do the same exact thing. I get so upset at times with myself because I can't do the things I used to do. I can only push myself so far and then I crumble, feeling guilty, ashamed and sometimes even stupid. bah....I try hard not to do that, but it just eeks out at times ya know?