In my mind and heart I know that the only way to independence is to be able to depend. It can't be done any other way. Have you never been able to truly depend on anyone/therapist without feeling you are bring forced into self sufficiency? Because that's how it feels to me. Self sufficiency is different to independence because it comes from not being able to depend as needed or for long enough, allowing us eventually to be able to separate and become independent in our own time. It can't be forced by less contact or tightening of boundaries. In my experience that just causes desperation and an inability to separate. I wonder about your therapist's struggle with her own dependency needs and whether you are caught up in something that isn't your fault. Your needs are ok and it feels she is afraid to allow you to do the work needed to heal. 4 years with a therapist isn't long enough to work it through because it's so deep and painful. It feels you have been left dependent and confused and not knowing what to do? It could be you just haven't had the time to rework something.

I know this from being a therapist and from experiencing it as a patient. It's very painful I know. I may be wrong but something feels unfinished.

Please don't see this as criticism of your therapist. It isn't. I'm sure she is doing her very best. You both are. It's just something I feel when I read your posts.

With support

Moon