OH Agony I feel your pain...EXACTLY.....I have been reading around here for a while, but had to register to post to you. I feel exactly the same way today. I am crying as I write this. Is this what crashing is all about? Recently I have been started on Lamictal, topamax, zoloft, ambien, and xanax. the xanax knocks me out,(so only take it at bedtime and then not all the time. The ambien knocks me completely out and I see tracers like i am trippin or something. ( not cool for an old gal. Maybe when I was a teen, but not now lol.) I see a mental heath doc, a meds doc, marriage counceling, and read every book I find which all say same damn thing...NOTHING but we dont know. DR says the meds are helping me to think clearer, not in a haze... but the topamax, only make me think clearer about the way I have treated people before and make me more depressed and I think I would rather be more in a haze

Have you ever just wanted to stay in your little hole you ben digging for yourself for years, face down, barely breathing, eyes closed, wondering when the so called merciful God will take you out of the misery and pain?

Ever just wanted to collapse in that hole and never move again and then feel yourself lifted up by a knight in black sexy armor (strong enough to lift my fat ***) and he takes you to a beautiful palace with wispy curtains all around your bed and nurses your woulded psyche and mind back until you are happy again. He brushes your hair, gives you a bath, puts lotion on you all the while not expecting a thing from your wounded brain or body.

After a while you actually can become to feel as if someone really loves you for you this time...not because you have a vagina, not because you have kids together, not because you cook good. But because they can feel in their heart every tear that ever runs down your face and it hurts them too.

So you fall madly, deeply in love with this unselfish, caring person. And we all live happily ever after. So there it is people. The happy ending that makes me more damaged and bitter every day because it will never ever ever ever happen.....faerie tales are like false advertisements to little girls i should sue disney for trauma