That's what I always wanted too... a close childhood friendship that lasted forever. My story is different in that I had childhood friends... then I moved far away and that traumatized me. I feel cheated, like I could have had this beautiful friendship but it got taken away from me. (Family too...I miss that). I feel selfish in a way b/c some people don't even have their parents near them and I do, but I guess leaving everything behind when I really didn't want to affected me in a very negative way. Anyway, frienships have been very rocky for me, and that's putting it nicely.

Didn't mean to hijack this with my experience, just wanted to let you know that I understand. It also sounds like it took you a long time to get help... I have yet to see a therapist myself. I've read through your posts and you sound like somebody I'd be friends with.