Dear Matt,

I say this in the kindest possible way... I say it with compassion and empathy for what you are going through. I've read most of your posts and there is one thing that has hit me. You are analyzing your medical condition to the degree that I somehow can't help but think that your mind has taken charge and you are intellectualizing yourself into a frozen state.

I recognize some of myself in what you are doing because, when I had a moderate undiagnosed depression I tried to the think myself better. However, the anxiety only got worse and took charge. Ultimately I ended up with severe clinical depression accompanied with anxiety. The depression worsened until I became catatonic. Depression is a reaction to many things and slowly but surely it will shut you down the worse it gets.

There ARE medications out there that will address your anxiety attacks therefore, allowing you to see the silver lining that you cannot possibly see just now. Depression robs us of the here and now. It tells us things that are not true... it speaks to us in negative tones making us feel worthless and unlovable. We cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel but, that light IS there. The sense of hopelessness covers us in a cloak of despair. We believe that nothing will change but, it can and it does. It numbs our feelings and that is what depression is about. It shuts us down.

A good doctor will address your issues and work with you to find the best medicine for you. A medicine that is compatible with your physiology therefore, addressing the imbalances that are causing your illness. You can and will get better with the appropriate help.

I wish you good luck and a better life because you deserve it my friend. There is a future for you... you have to believe that even at a time when you believe the opposite.
YOU can get better!!!