Thank you for the replies. I feel like writing all that is bothering me. If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it.

1. Back with my ex boyfriend after 2 months of being separated. He promised he would try to be a better man-clean up after himself, not smoke more than 1 or 2 cigarettes a day and not go on porno/dating sites. He sometimes cleans up but he is smoking at least a pack a day. Not only does it make me have a headache, it isn't good for him as he has heart problems and bladder cancer. Today, I found in his history on computer from last night- a dating site.
2. Yesterday, he told me that he will not be continuing treatment for cancer. He just wants the doctors to give him pain medicine. I know it is his body, his decision. But I feel that he is being selfish. I was prepared to take care of him while he was going through radiation and chemo. Now, it's like he is giving up without any concern about how his loved ones feel. I wonder sometimes if I had known all about this drama and heartache, if I would have started loving this person. I have been through so much with him.
3. During the time of separation from this boyfriend, I was living with another male friend. I thought at first he liked me. But then I realized he was just using me for sex. Make a long story short, he kicked me out of his house just because I nicely asked him to talk to his son about cleaning up after himself. I found online some disturbing things about how this guy treated his ex wife and how he treats his employees. So I guess it was a good thing, that that relationship is over. I really didn't have any love feelings for him but to be totally honest, I liked his house. I know that sounds bad.
4. I had a car accident on June 19th. I need transportation but I also feel that I need to change some things in my life first. I had a car accident and dui last May. I am trying very hard to not drink wine but I have used it for so long to help me relax or cope with difficult situations. That now it is hard to do something else like exercise or listening to music.
5. I want so badly for my life to change for the better. I am tired of making the same stupid decisions, for keeping people in my life that do not support me, for keeping people in my life that are always drama. I love some of these people very much but I do not think they are good to have around me if I am going to change.
6. Sometimes, my depression kicks into high gear and I ask myself - why try any more? No one appreciates how I help them anyway. But then I just think that maybe this time, it will be enough to be loved and cared about.
7. If this relationship doesn't work out this time, there is only 1 place that I can think of returning. I don't want to but I believe it is my only option. I really wanted to leave that place in my distant past.
8. I am about 20 pounds overweight. I am trying very hard to exercise, eat healthy. Sometimes I do ok, but wish I had a support system. I have no friends in town. My boy friend doesn't care. At first, he would tell me I am beautiful. Now for the last few days, he doesn't even want to touch/hug me.
9. I know my parents and sister love me, but sometimes I wonder if they knew all of my secrets they would still feel the same. It is like that with any friend that gets to know the real me. People say that I am shy (which makes me angry because I try very hard to be friendly) but I am reserved. It is hard for me to put my guard down because every time I have, I have been hurt deeply.
10. It is almost August. I want the end of this year to be better than the first part. I need all the help that I can get from a higher power or something. I know I can't do it all on my own.

I know this is long. Thanks for reading.