<font color="green">Seraph, thanks for sharing this.</font> <font color="purple">I think it's normal for you to isolate from your friends, especially because you are in the field of psychology/mental health. So am I.</font> When I'm depressed I don't want anyone to see it. When I had my first full-blown episode of mania a little over a year ago I felt so alone, especially since I was working towards my M.A. in Counseling and towards licensure and working in a mental health agency. The symptoms of mania came out about 6 months after my pdoc had agreed to let me taper off of the Depakote that I'd been on since 1989 as I felt it was adding to my depression, and just take the Lamictal (100mg b.i.d.) since the Lamictal helped so much with depression and I had never had a manic episode. It became obvious to my co-workers, including my Team Leader, when my speech became rapid and pressured and I was running around happy as a clam. I went out on medical leave (through my primary care doc to avoid having HR or anyone seeing a psychiatrist's name on any documentation).</font> <font color="blue">During this time I felt so horribly alone and was ashamed to tell any of my friend - I isolated. I continued with school though and a classmate of mine, who is also a friend, recognized the symptoms, and then eventually revealed that she, too, has bp d/o but was afraid someone would find out, and thus, her career in counseling would come to a halt. I knew already that one of my co-workers had bp d/o but she was able to manage it. I later found out that another co-worker has bp d/o and has learned to manage it at work - all three of these friends also isolated when depressed</font> <font color="red">but</font> <font color="purple">I no longer felt alone knowing there were others in the field with bp d/o.</font> Unfortunately by the time I was coming down from the highs of mania I went into a "mixed" episode and my mood swings, especially the irritability, became obvious (I had gotten my M.A. by this time, and had gotten a master's level position at the agency). The instability became, especially the irritability, so obvious that I am now out of work on a mandatory leave of absence until I can "prove" myself (i.e. act "<font color="red">normal"</font>). I never showed any symptoms when counseling clients - just the opposite. However, my TL and manager are not convinced and I was sent to their pdoc for a "fit for duty" eval. I had already gone back on Depakote (1500 mg) and my moods started to even out but it was too late. Now, I don't believe I'll ever be able to continue in this profession and am not looking forward about returning to my job (my pdoc feels that I am stable at this point and so do I but there is some "bread-through" irritability that worries me. The stigma of this illness is so great, even to others in this field, that no one with any kind of mental illness wants anyone to ever find out. I don't know what to do about this work situation. I find it easier to isolate when I'm depressed or showing any signs of irritability or mania. In fact, I firmly believe that when I go back to work, that any time I show any sadness or any irritability, that my TL will assume that I am "<font color="green">losing control</font>" again (he doesn't know, I don't think, about my diagnosis but my manager does). Problem here - I cannot stand my TL but have great respect for my manager, so the irritability towards my TL will still require great control). I don't want to return and be made to stay in the office with no contact with clients until I "prove" myself (my clients have suffered because I suddenly "disappeared" and I was working so well with many of them). This is a serious problem in the field of mental health. <font color="blue">I don't want you to give up your dream of becoming a psychologist - ever. Hopefully you'll find others in the same position to talk with. Do you have any professors/other psychologists/students who you trust enough to talk about your diagnosis with?</font> I guess I needed to vent, too. <font color="purple">Please don't give up - you've come to the right place. Welcome. </font> Louise (feel free to send my a pm anytime)