I am in the same position. I am crashing today off of about a month of mania. I make really poor decisions, spend to much money and then when I crash I am depressed about my actions. I never feel like being on the phone, even when manic. This is the worst crash I've ever had. For the first time, without fear, I had thoughts of ending it because I'm so tired. Tired of the bed, feeling lazy and beating myself up. Tired of hating myself and feeling ugly. I will say, I tend to stop taking my meds when I feel good, or have a relapse (have 9 months sobriety now, longest ever). My dual diagnosis has kicked my but for over 20 years. I have had periods of level headedness and when I crash I just want to feel that way. I wish I had encouraging words, but today its comforting to know I'm not alone which makes a difference. I had found an outlet for a while making videos and posting them on you tube. Not into it right now. Sometimes an outlet helps, it did for a while when I was into it.