Today I've crashed. Worst ever. The sad part is when I'm manic I know that the crash will be coming. First I was in the fetal position and didn't want to get out of bed, crying, feeling overwhelmed with everything. I have many incomplete projects in the house, and have not had any desire to work in the yard - nothing. I do the bare minimum to feel somewhat normal and human. All I do is look around and see the results of my disease. I will say, for me, when I stay in an attitude of gratitude and for some reason am able to stop my negative thinking I am good - even, level. It really does work, better than meds. I am in recovery and finding spirituality. Problem is my mood swings keep me from being consistent. I feel really bad because of my actions today, before I got sad I was a maniac and it dirupts my home. My partner had to grab me and say this behavior is unacceptable (we have had much counseling and are both in recovery) I have made a little progress, but set backs like this do me in and leave me hopeless. Today ending it all seemed like my only escape. I just want to recapture those moments of clarity and feeling good. I started me meds again so hopefully I will get back. By the way, thats allot of meds. I am on Lamectial and Welbutrin. Used to take Topamax, Zyprexa, then Risperdal - always a mood stablizer with anti-depressent.

I hope you feel better soon. My crashes seem to last for lesser amounts of time, I think my program helps in that area. But it still miserable.