I've had two sexual encounters with two different men...both of them were gay who both wanted to know what it was like to have sex with a girl, and gay men is my biggest fantasy so I agreed. They were both amazing experiences. The first encounter was only a blow job after drinking at the beach and then sobering up at his house. When we went to have intercourse I got cold feet because he was very awkward during foreplay and I anticipated it being very awkward so I said no.

A week later I had another encounter with intercourse included, and it was a wonderful experience.

I really enjoyed the experience, but thinking of having sex again makes me very nervous. I feel like being drunk got me loose and put my fears at ease, and now I feel like I more "have a conscious" about it and I'm not sure how I feel about having sex again even with the same two men. I tried explaining my fears to my counselor, but I don't think I explained it correctly and she more congratulated me about exploring my sexuality in a safe environment (we used condoms and she knows I'm very nervous about sex). I just don't know how I feel, really. I still have yet to find a boyfriend, and I get nervous around straight men because I feel that they might take advantage of me whereas with gay men they genuinely care about me with no pressure or other motives (the whole time with both men they told me they wanted to take care of me and made sure I felt good and respected, and they were genuinely curious about the experience and loved it.) I am not sure how to get past my fears except put myself out there and find a boyfriend that loves me and treats me with respect.

Thoughts?