Hello,

I've been suffering a lot emotionally for the past year, and have been reading articles and books on self-help. One of the things many suggest is to reach out there to see if someone else made his/her way out of this or similar situation or achieved a goal similar to yours so that you have some guidance instead of trying to figure it out on your own, which I'm exhausted of doing. I'm sure each person's situation is unique, but maybe there will be some patterns that might be alike.

By the way, I did see a therapist, and it turned into a more of a what's going on conversation instead of actual productive help that I felt I could use. I got more from reading some articles and resources.

There's stuff happening in my head that I don't appear to be able to control, and that I don't understand. I think the suffering came partly as a a result of me finally seeing this pattern within me in addition to understanding that I had anxiety, depression and addiction. I've been working on these, but the root cause, I feel, is still there. Obviously, it would take probably pages and pages if I went into everything, but I'll concentrate on the specific condition that I don't understand and that's causing me a lot of grief.

I know and I feel that I'm in the wrong place in terms of my home, work and personal life. A lot of my frustration is attributed to the location because I don't feel I fit in. My job is very secure, comfortable with lots of time off and great benefits, and that's what has kept me here for all these years while wanting to escape all along. Originally, I did enjoy my work a lot, but not much any more. My personal life has been non-existent again because I don't feel I fit in here.

The problem is I can't make a choice or think of a goal and stick with it in order to help myself progress. I think of an option, then find something wrong with it, move on to something else, etc. jumping back and forth. I can't commit to anything. Ok, so let's say you could call this analysis paralysis, which is definitely there, but the issue is nothing feels right or like something that I really really want to do. There's always something wrong. I don't seem to look forward to anything really (except the addictive behavior, perhaps) and my mind jumps from one thing to another constantly analyzing and searching for options while keeping me in status quo. I have too many conflicting intentions that don't gel. One of the things that they say is to tell others about your intentions in order to commit, and I have done that, but that didn't keep me from changing my mind and not committing. (By the way I don't have a problem with commitment to people; on the other hand, I'm very committed and responsible). I apply for jobs, and they seem to be interesting when I apply, but when the interviews come up, I'm no longer excited or really interested or too fearful.

My mind seems to do these tricks not only about bigger choices, but also about smaller ones such as deciding what to do with my free time, who to spend time with, when to go, etc. I can't hear my inner voice and I can't settle on my values either. It's the same pattern. Constantly analyzing. Never settling. My mind jumping all the time. Running away from choices and places.

The worst part is that I understand what's going on in my head, and that it doesn't get me anywhere, and yet, I can't make myself get out of this vicious circle getting angry at myself.

Overall, I'm stuck. Any advice?

Thank you.