Seraph...

I understand a lot of what you are going through, having been there myself. I've run off lots of friends, family members, etc. over the years. It happens, you do what you can to deal with it.

Don't make the mistake of not admitting that you need help because you could compromise your career goals. I have two examples: first, my ex-wife, who is also BP. She has a job at a major hospital in the Midwest. For years she worked away untreated, just another one of the nurses. After she was Dx'd bipolar, her job performance improved radically, she was given responsibility for a new department which took off incredibly. She went back to school to get her Master's, and she has been invited to present her work in Vienna this summer. Getting treatment has allowed her to reach her potential. Her bosses and co-workers know about her condition and have been very supportive.

Second example: Kay Redfield Jamison. Head of the Department of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins, mental health advocate and author of several of the very best books on bipolar disorder. She has been bipolar most of her life, but is able to function outstandingly at the very highest levels of the mental health field.

While self-treatment with CBT methods can be helpful (I do some of this myself) it is simply not a replacement for drug and talk therapy. Yeah, it's a pain in the butt, but the results are worth it. If you learn how to stay better, more or less on one level, you will be able to keep your friends AND reach your goals...give it some thought.

Best Wishes,
DJ