Come on. I'm being serious. When I'm on Adderall I really care about people. I am interested in their lives and thoughts. I feel engaged with the world on a whole new level.

It has been kind of painful to feel so estranged, like watching others have lunch together and feeling despair because I was alone but couldn't bear their dumb conversation even if they invited me to join them.

And I don't know if I need Adderall because of trauma or understimulation because I'm smart or ADHD or what. What made me like this to cause me such pain?