I joined this site because I feel like I have no one to turn too, the people I have attempted to talk to about this have given me a sympathetic "ohhh. That sucks". I'm not looking for sympathy. I just need advice, input, or maybe I just need to rant to get it ALL off my chest.

It started almost two months ago. I've always had anxiety, at least for the passed 10 years or so. Some times it'd be manageable, sometimes it'd control my life. I had a severe allergic reaction(although I haven't had one before), I was sitting with my daughter eating some fruit and watching TV. Everything was fine until my tongue/mouth started to burn. I looked into the mirror and my tongue starter to swell and it was beginning to become difficult to breathe. My brother had just recently moved back into my apartment, trying to remain calm and not scare my daughter (she's 4) with the allergic reaction I tried to wake my brother up from his nap. I told him " I need you to watch my daughter, I'm about to faint, can't breathe, need to call an ambulance "and all he said was " oh come on, man. I'm trying to sleep here!" Rolled over and went back to sleep. Luckily, I had convinced my mom to make it to my place from work to watch my daughter so I could call an ambulance. I have to carry an EpiPen with me now, and can't eat fruit or vegetables until I have my appointment with the allergist (another couple weeks).

At first, the anxiety had kicked up again because I was afraid of getting another allergic reaction. Every time I'd eat I could feel the anxiety rise. I'd panic thinking I could feel my throat closing up again, the burning on my tongue, the dizziness. Although I knew it was in my head since I've been avoiding the foods im allergic too. I've had two panic attacks in the passed couple weeks, so my doctor had given me Ativan, I still haven't taken one though because its highly addicting. It seems like one more stress I don't need.

The anxiety is something I'm use too, although they haven't been this frequent in more than a year, and the severity of it is much more than I have experienced before. I have anxiety about allergic reactions, about breathing, sleeping, eating, showering, and especially being alone with my daughter in case another severe allergic reaction happens. I've visioned it so many times in my head of me dying in front of her, and that'd be her last memory of me. Its a phobia now. I can't sleep anymore, I get maybe 3 hours at most. I can't eat anymore, I've lost 15 pounds in the past two weeks. The past two weeks, I don't know why, but has become worse. I've been feeling extremely depressed, hopeless, alone. I'm constantly filled with anxiety, I can't concentrate, and I've been on the verge of tears all the time. I'm not an emotional person, I'm more of a thinker and stay neutral. These passed two weeks I've been crying multiple times a day, I've lost patience with my daughter. The smallest thing will have me weeping, like today, I was feeling really down and my daughter had randomly gave me a hug. I hugged her back, and had to excuse myself to the next room because I started sobbing uncontrollably and honestly I don't even know why. I feel like I'm on a downward spiral, with my divorce coming up, the anxiety, allergic reactions, my aunt is only given two weeks to live as of yesterday, financial and living situations. This constant fear of dying, feeling like I'm dying, this emptiness, fear of being alone.

I do plan on seeing a professional, but it won't be for a couple of weeks at the earliest. I just need some advice on what I can do to try and get myself in a decent state and out of this depression.