crying, I also struggle with my mom and it's sorta difficult because I'm an adult so I have my own thoughts about things. Yet, my illness makes me depend on her for help with some things in my life. She is in denial of my illness and she just does not understand that sometimes when she is trying to help me she is actually making things worse for me. I have severe anxiety that keeps me from leaving my house and I don't interact with people much. She has tried a lot of different ways to try and make me go out and be with people and make friends but it usually sounds like she is blaming me for my illness. She has said that I'm choosing to be sick because I'm not going out and doing x,y,z and if I'd just do it then I'd be normal again. It really makes me feel bad because I know she does not "like" who I am now and won't accept me or my illness.

Yet, sometimes she does give me the support that I need and tells me how much she loves me and I know she truly means it. But it's hard to predict when she'll be more compassionate in how she treats me or when she'll be too hard on me. Yeah, I get angry too. I try to remember that she is my elder mom so I need to show her respect and that she is doing what she thinks is best for me but she just does not understand mental illness. She is not intentionally being hateful, she is just ignorant about what's best for me sometimes. I try to cut her some slack when I can and sorta choose my battles wisely. So if I don't agree with her about something, I mainly stick-up for myself on things that are most important to me but sorta go along with her with the little things.

I do have to set boundaries and not let her push me to the point where she totally stresses me out. Like if she says something that hurts my feelings but she means well I might just switch the topic and not correct her because confronting her would just create even more stress for me. I'm not saying you should always be submissive and always do what your mother says and never disagree with her. No, you need to do whatever is necessary so your mom will treat you with respect and don't let her push you over the edge.

I've just found that it's better if I think about things and how they will impact me before I decide what to do about them. I determine how important they are and then decide if it's worth being assertive with my mom or if it's something that I can just let go because the confrontation would not be worth it. But if I choose to not correct my mom about something and go along with it, then I have to be willing to not hold resentment with her for it.

I totally understand how angry your mom can make you and how badly some of her words and actions can hurt you--it's horrible to endure this crap from your own mom. But, when it comes right down to it, I know I need to figure out a way to release the anger and let go of the hurt because those emotions will just make my anxiety and mental health worse. No matter what my mom does or says to me and even if she is wrong, I know that I have to find a way to deal with it because I can't survive if I'm always hurt and mad at her.

I feel for you. You're in a tough spot and I understand because I'm dealing with similar issues with my mom. Shoot me a pm if you ever want to chat or just blow off steam. Please, take care of yourself......D.