I've been dealing with mixed episodes since March and they are different this time. They are horrible.
When I had my 6 months of stability I was told I should be a motivational speaker everyone was so proud of me, as was I. Then the symptoms gradually started to come back and well...you know where I am now.

Throw your pride out the window and take care of yourself. You know this can only get worse if you don't seek help.

PLEASE see your pdoc. You've seen what I've gone through the last week. It ain't fun. Nip it in the bud now, my dear. Please