Something happened last night. I heard about this happening to other people, but never thought it would/could happen to me. EVER. Now I know what a fool I was, thinking that.

I couldn't sleep. I had been lying in bed for hours, but sleep just wouldn't come. I don't have any sleep meds due to lack of uinsurance, so I stupidly decided to go for walk, thinking it might help me fall sleep afterwards. This was at 3:00 am.

I left my house, and was walking past a wooded area about an hour later. I was almost home. I almost made it. On a dark part of the street where there is no streetlights, out of nowhere I felt someone grab my arm. I jumped and tried to pull away, but they pulled harder and dragged me into the woods.

The next thing I knew, I was being dragged by my arm further into the woods. I started to scream, praying someone would hear me. I tried to crawl away, but the next I knew I was pinned against the ground and there was a knife pressed against my throat. He spoke then, a man's voice.

He told me if I made another sound he would slit my throat. I was too scared to say or do anything, so I was forced to lay there while this animal raped me in the woods. When he was done, he didn't leave right away, just sat on top of me, and put the knife to my throat again. He said he should kill me anyway, just because he'd never killed anyone before and would like to know how it felt. I couldn't answer, I was afraid if I did it might prompt him to hurt me again or just kill me.

He laughed, then stood up. He said if I told anyone, he would come find me and kill me. Then he finally left.

I sort of wished he had killed me. I haven't been able to leave my room since, and forget about sleeping. All I can do is pace, cry and throw up. I can't eat, sleep, or hardly function. I feel like I'm literally in hell right now.

And this all happened because of me. Because I decided to out for a walk at 3 am! What the hell was I thinking? Only a foolish a**hole would have done something that stupid and unsafe! What did I expect? I got what I deserved.

I'm sorry if this isn't in the appropriate forum. I feel the most comfortable here, plus I'm having a hard time thinking clearly right now. All of a sudden, I don't feel safe anywhere. Locking myself in my bedroom, I'm constantly peering out my window, paraniod that he's lurking out there, waiting to hurt me again. The worst part is, it was dark, so I couldn't see his face. I don't even know who hurt me.

I apologize in adance if this upsets anyone. I wasn't sure if I should even post this, but it's killing me inside and outside, and I don't know how to deal with what's happened to me. I'm crawling out of my own skin, and so unstable.

It isn't fair. But I should have known better. In a way, I only brought it on myself. And now I don't know what to do anymore. I still feel safe here, I guess that's why I'm posting this. The one thing I have left, the supportive atmosphere on these boards.

I feel more lost and lonely than ever right now. I'm all used up now, I feel as though there is nothing left. Only the horrific memory of that hellish experience everytime I close my eyes.

Why me? This will teach me to go walking in the dead of night. This is all my fault.