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SecretGarden said:
I do recall when I stopped therapy with my first psychiatrist. I still miss him and appreciate so much that he got me talking. I had to grieve as thought it was a death of sorts.... Just know that is acceptable.

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I agree, I think grieving your T's loss is really important, canders. I tend to just stuff things inside and barrel on with life. But I'm learning it is important to allow oneself to grieve and be sad. In therapy a couple of months ago, it came up that I was still grieving the loss of a therapist/psychiatrist from almost 30 years earlier. I'd even forgotten I'd ever seen him, but certain things that were happening in my current therapy resurrected memories from back then, when I felt totally abandoned in therapy by the psychiatrist. This let both me and my T understand a lot better my fear of abandonment in therapy and my demands that he self disclose. I was able to grieve for his loss both in therapy and outside. I wrote him a letter telling him what I wanted to say (as an exercise, not to really be sent to him). It was a good, therapeutic experience and taught me how when I stuff away feelings like that, they really don't go away, but can resurface, still unprocessed, decades later.