Hey forum,

As the title says I'm in such extreme pain that I'm considering putting suicide on the table. I spend every day of the week, every week of every month, every month of the year in extreme pain. I haven't had a good day in over a decade, back when I was in college.

I've been trying to fight this and get better for years now, but I'm only getting worse. I have no family. No friends. The therapists I tried to see were abusive so that just made things worse. I have so little right now that my life is a battle up Mt. Everest, and I somehow have to do it living with blinding pain and confusion, no support or resources, and all the stresses of working and living in America with no support or safety net.

What the hell can I do? It's hard for me to connect with people or deal with my emotions because it overwhelms me with terrifying pain. Nobody has ever loved me or cared about me so even bringing people into my life is an ordeal of a lifetime. I just don't know what to do at this point. I feel like a lost cause that should be thrown in a dumpster and forgotten about.

I don't want to kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore.