Perna, I thank you so very much for your response. I have had a cold and read your post and took the information in to my last snooze. It is indeed food for thought and really is important.

I think it is so powerful to think of how revved up I get when I am on overload, or out of control to a degree. It is like I spin out of control. But yet I should find a clothespin for my tongue. Perhaps it is my brain that I need control of. And yes it is the situation and not the person... well generally ... Some people do have a talent of plucking my nerves but given the situation it may or may not affect me.

It is a disconnect of sorts. It really is. This is such a revolation after all these years or maybe I am just finally ready to deal with it. It is within ME. I suppose that sometimes I need a reset button..... It is a fine line between needing to close myself off vs openning myself up to what is actually happening within myself.

Another thing you said about control.... I too like to field and fix things up front rather than have things "gang" up on me. I too am just responsible for myself but I try to please everyone else and want things to go smooth. Perhaps too smooth...as in not realistic.

I did smile with your paragraph about clarifications with possible idiots. I do like that....

I can relate this post to my work a day life but am also trying to relate this to my personal life... I think sometimes the defense of anger keeps people at a distance... In my most recent blow out...and I am still recovering... a friend invited herself from another country to come visit MY house... what a loaded intimate situation (not sexual....just in MY space, my reality) with less than 3 weeks notice. I could have handled it better and we are still friends. But alas....that is another title for another post and has provided all kind of therapeutic fodder.