I went to an AA meeting this morning. My first. And now i'm drinking. I'm blaming outside influences for my drinking, even though i know it's totally wrong.

My boyfriend is making a career move. He's moving to Chicago. He's putting his career above everything else and putting everything else second. Including me. I'm staying in Florida. There's no margin for compromise. He's going and i' staying. No matter how much in love we are.

I have been depressed for so many years. I'm on meds.. but the pain i'm feeling right now is so great... no amount of meds are going to make me feel better about Nick leaving. My doc even told me that. I just have to work through the pain.

I'm going for intensive counseling next week at a mental health facility. It's up to my insurance company whether i go for 3 hours a day or 6. I'm hoping for the 6. I need the help.

I'm so f-ing depressed about Nick leaving. It consumes me. I can't think about anything else. I love this man so much. I hate being second in his life..and i justhave to f-ing accept it. I can't. I want to scream and cry. But no amount of hysteria will change his mind.

I don't know where to turn except my bottle of tequila. I went to an AA meeting this morning. I actually liked it. A woman gave me her phone number and told me to call her. I may call her tonight. She was nice enough to reach out to me. Depression and alcoholism. What a nice pairing.

I'm off. I'll continue to log on and read posts. Being anonymous on this forum helps. Your words help.