I know darlin. I feel the same way sometimes. But then there are times when I wonder who I'd be if I didn't have this disorder.....would I be this strong? Would I have the same compassion for the plight of others, or would I have become some smug, arrogant self-serving, judgmental, self-righteous jerk and end up alone Anyway? Would I still "feel" so deeply, or would I be shallow? Every now and then I think "maybe, just maybe, I would have become something even Worse than I am if it weren't for being bipolar keeping me..... Humble? I guess? Maybe I would have thought too highly of myself than I ought to. Or maybe I would have stored trying to improve on myself and my life if there wasn't always something that I needed to fix. Maybe I needed the "boldness"of the manic episodes to stand up for someone who was being mistreated. There are many ways to see things. The difference is how you choose to LOOK at them.