I had a couple of okay days. After my doctor called, I was feeling nervous. I have to go see him tomorrow and my stomach is ill. The chest pains are going crazy tonight; I think my kids picked up on my mood or uncertainty. I have been trying to take my mind off of things and have been cleaning for a couple of hours. Its 3am. I am tired but my mind wont shut down. I made some cuts; one bad one. I hope it stops bleeding. I wonder if its just my fears coming out. Today I ate and kept it down. I have been fretting about it all night. I had no choice; we were not home. I took my kids to the water park for over two hours; couldnt get rid of it. Now I feel terrible that I was not able to "send it away". I just want to get this apointment over with; maybe it will ease some of this. I am like a bucket of nerves; I am even shaky. Anyway; I will stop my suck attack. Talk to u all soon.
itsjustme