Stuck, I am sorry you are suffering in this way. It sounds as if you're trying hard to find a way to a better life and to improve yourself and that you're not feeling satisfied with the outcome. Very frustrating.

Something jumped right off the page at me when I read your post. The only thing you have to look forward to is your addictive behavior. Whatever that is. You didn't say. It could be alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, porn, sex and much more. I don't know, so I'll make my comments generalized to what I know about addiction, which has dogged my family for generations, all kinds of addiction on both sides of the family. Fortunately, I learned young that addiction was the root cause of the dysfunction in my family and I learned everything I could to save myself.

Addiction has symptoms -- depression and anxiety being two of them. Most addicts long for a geographic cure -- a new location, a new job, new friends, new relations, new whatever. But the problem is, the addiction always comes along for the ride.

Looking for some other root cause is starting basackwards. The only way out of addictive behavior is to start with treating the addiction, making a commitment to living clean and sober and/or without the behavioral addiction that's bedeviling your life. You can't even tell how depressed or how anxious you are until the addiction is being addressed because addicts run scared, they feel despair and alternate between mind-numbing boredom and escape interspersed with moments of high anxiety. Self-esteem can go from grandiose to zero in minutes. There are plenty of good intentions, with not much follow-through, pretty much like you described. Those are symptoms of addiction.

I know plenty of addicts in various stages of recovery. In my opinion, once the addiction gets treated, they're no more messed up than the average population. Some are mentally ill, some are plain nasty people to the core, but most are damn fine people in recovery. But the only way you can find out what's in there is for the person to get into recovery and work at it.

Your post perfectly describes the ennui and bafflement of the addict who's still resisting and denying. They don't get that the addiction is the problem you can deal with. Recovery from addiction is a long-term deal, like peeling away layers of an onion as you go deeper and deeper into uncovering whatever's inside you.

What you are experiencing is nothing new to addicts all over the world. 12-Step programs even have a set of Promises outlining what recovery brings.

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.


Please consider taking a close look at your addiction and doing something about it. It's difficult. But you are worth it. You've already invested a lot of time and energy in self-help improvements. Consider putting some of that energy into recovery from your addiction and your life will feel different. As you get clean, you may decide you want a new job and and a new locale and even new friends. That can work once you're in the right state of mind and spirit to make your moves positive and geared toward your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual growth. Turn your self-help impulse toward recovery and see what happens. I wish you well.