becca, some of the things you write remind me of myself so much. I have been married for almost 20 years and my husband and I have never had a fight. One time in therapy, Tand I we kind of worked on anger. I had a dream that I felt was an anger dream that I shared with T. He gave me an assignment (hey, yeah, I got homework!), to write down all the times in my life I had ever been angry and then write next to each one, how I would have preferred the situation had been instead of how it was. I guess that second part was to give me some sense of not being so helpless or something, being able to visualize a better outcome. So I came up with a list of 20 times I think I was angry in my lifetime and how I wish it had been instead. I shared this with T, and he read it. I'm not sure if this was somehow supposed to help me? Maybe by just identifying times in my life I felt anger, it was supposed to prove to me I actually could feel that emotion? I'm not sure. I didn't really want to continue with the anger path in therapy at that time, so I dropped it for the next session. T said with many people in therapy, he has them use certain techniques, like pounding a pillow in his office when they feel angry or are recounting an angry experience to him. But he said that won't work with me since I don't know how to be angry. And to me, it is just being really faky if I hit a pillow when I don't feel that, kind of like a 2 year old having a tantrum whereas I am an adult and don't react that way.

I see a couple of types of responses in this thread, 1) from people who don't know if they really even get angry, and 2) from people who act out anger in a childish way (stomping feet, etc.). It seems like both groups think they aren't doing anger in a healthy, "good" way. Can someone who knows how to do it, post here and say what they do to express anger constructively and healthfully? I just don't know what that looks like.