I had an interesting conversation with the PA at my pain specialist last month......as I was talking to her about the horrible trauma I went through with my mother who I knew was dying of cancer but her oncologist the last thing that he had told my mother was that he "got all the cancer" right after the operation.....while I thought "HOW ARROGANT".

It was hell at the end of her life because she was continually asking me when she was going to get better......she said that she knew God had given her THAT oncologist because he was going to save her life......while in reality, he told me at the end he thought "what a fool she was because she had totally ignored the cancer until it was stage IV & really didn't want to live". She was a fool, but it wasn't because she didn't want to live.....she was in denial that anything that serious could happen to her.

I have held this anger that that oncologist wasn't honest with her or me (her only family)....& he wouldn't even test for the stroke I'm sure she had after I proved to him that she did have blood clots in her legs (after the surgery).....but what I hated most was even the very last night of her life, she was asking me even though she could hardly talk any longer (the cancer had spread into her lungs).....& they had finally been honest with me about her condition which only 1 month before they treated her as if she were dying but never said a word to her.

My PA at the pain clinic came to the US from China....& over there she said they NEVER tell the patient that they are dying......the family is the only ones they tell.....where here in the US they can't tell the family because of the HIPPA laws...& if they don't tell the patient....no one knows other than the MD.

All that to answer the questions.

I definitely WANT to know......for family, I was there anyway because I was her only family....but for friends....I want to be there for them also....so give whatever support I am able to provide.

Also, if the MD had been honest with my mother & we could have planned the whole situation together the horrible trauma with the home care person would have NEVER have happened......so I still have anger toward the oncologist & toward my mother for the trauma that I went through because of them.......It's important to be open & honest on all health issues especially with close family.......close friends it's nice to know because it's important to be a support to them.