As I sit here tonight, I find myself shaking. It is one week tonight. I feel like time is standing still and I feel so cold. Thank you InACorner for the rope, I am hanging on as tight as I can. I feel overwhelmed with feelings that I do not know. Sabau2 thank you for your continued words of encouragement. I am reaching out the only way I know how. My words are my only link right now to what is inside me. I get really scared at the praise that I am doing good. I do not know why that scares me so but I feel I am doing all I can to survive right now. Maybe it is the ever present threat that was given. I know that before last week, I could reach to other parts inside for support. I did not always feel because someone else could step up and block what I did not understand. It is like I grew up in an hour. I have become this full adult for the first time. I feel alone here as those parts have gone deep inside for safety. So I stand here with this not knowing what I am to really do. How I am suppose to separate these feelings that have suddenly become mine. I do not know how to explain what I am trying to say so I hope somehow the words make sense. I am trying to reach out and I am trying to hear. There seems to be this confusion inside that sometimes muffles out what is being said but I am straining to hear. I did try to listen to the crisis center. I felt like I was floating somewhere. I was trying to hear a voice -words seemed to be just there as my mind could hardly comprehend. Maybe for the fear of calling, maybe for the fear of the fear itself of letting someone know. But I did try and between the tears I heard they were there. I keep coming back, and clinging to words here. I am trying.