Just a saying that my old boss used to say after we worked 12hr shifts and had to be back in 8;for another 12hr shift. I have been awake now for almost 36hrs. I did not sleep at all. Good thing I got some sleep the other night. My thoughts are racing so badly; feels like my mind is out of control. I am tired but yet I am awake; if that makes any sense at all. I think I might as well go in to see my doc as soon as they open today. I was planning to go later on but I am up anyway. I just need to give myself that kick in the butt; before I chicken out. Its odd, I want help but yet my mind tells me other wise. I have this issue of when things get intense; I shut down. Its like I have so much to say but yet I can't speak. It is one of the most frustrating things about myself. I like it when I am asked a question that triggers my emotions; then theres no stopping me. I will break down; but in a good way. My courage has been hiding so long, I am not sure where to find it. I know its in this body somewhere, just to track it down would be a useful tool right about now. I should get a pager. lol. Sorry, I am tired so I can be kind of silly. Anyway, have a good one and I will post later.

itsjustme