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eskielover · Jul 24, 2014, 02:54 AM

It's been a long 7 years.....but I finally got the IRS paid off needing to use our joint account (because I didn't trust him to make the payments)......& I finally got the IRS overpayment check cashed.....that was a nightmare.

Living 2100 miles away from him.....this IRS situation has been a challenge......the check being an "and", I got him to sign it....but my bank wouldn't cash it because I don't have a joint account & no check cashing place would cash it unless he was right there with his ID

Which caused me to call our credit union to find out the state of our joint account & find a credit union local to where I live that does business in conjunction with them. The first year issues after I left was the IRS back taxes that I owed on my inheritance because H had totally messed up the filing of them because he wasn't smart enough to ask for assistance & I was still dealing with the PTSD & outpatient treatment at the time, I didn't have the strength to push him into taking it to a CPA........

Then just 2 years ago, I got a call from the mortgage company letting me know that he had quit paying the property tax the previous year & then when they set up an account tied to the mortgage to pay the property taxes, he quit paying the house payment.....He quit paying the house payment for over a year & got the modification through just at the point it was being foreclosed on....& he didn't have money to make the house payments even at that point.......my question was what did you do with all the money you didn't spend on the house payments.....should have saved up a lot over that year......but he refused to give me an accounting of his spending telling me it wasn't my business.

Well, when I called up the credit union when I first got the IRS check, they let me know the account was negative....& that it ran negative most of the month...right after his disability check was auto deposited, he would take out money right down to making it negative.....& then every bill that went through was charged a $29 overdraft charge......& the credit union wouldn't allow me to get off the account as long as it was negative. When I first found this out, I filed a report with APS in California, trying to get some help with getting him a conservator to take care of him finances because it was obvious that he's NOT CAPABLE of taking care of himself & there is no way I was going to go back to taking over his spending as I did initially when the IRS situation came up.....it's too difficult to do from 2100 miles away in the first place....& I don't want anything to do with him in the 2nd place.

I sat on the check in hopes that something would come from the APS....but the report was closed & I was told that if someone has the capability of making decisions whether good or bad....it's there problem if they are destroying themselves......so after I found that out, I sent him an email (all communications with him have to be in writing...something I demanded from the time I left him) asking him to let me know when his disability check was deposited so that I could know when the account was positive so that I could cash the check.....I had my daughter text him a message to let him know he received an email he needed to take care of because I'm not sure how to block my phone number from him on a text & he doesn't have my new phone number & he's NOT going to get it!!!!

Well, I got no response so I decided to call the Credit Union on the day that I thought the check might come in on (it varies by 5 days each month) & found that it had not only come in but he had taken out all but $14 without saying a word to me. His typical refuse to communicate self.......So I flew up to the credit union in the city (about 45 minutes away from my farm) & cashed the check.....got the money & deposited it into my savings......then I came home & called up the credit union & closed the account & had them send him the check for the $19 left in the checking & savings account.....so there is NO LONGER a joint account.....but I had the Credit union send me 3 years of statements the night before I closed the account.....& found that from January 1, 2014 - June 12, 2014....he had already accumulated $1100 + in overdraft charges....& just this last month, he had accumulated $348 of that amount. Every bill that came in to his account was being charged $29 in overdraft's including his $7.99 netflix bill.....& then he would go to the ATM later in the month & take out several hundred more with an overdraft charge. The Credit union said that because he had the autodeposit of his checks they were allowing it to continue until the overdrafts were equal to the amount of auto deposits....then they would close the account.

I'm still not sure if he thinks that the credit union closed the account or whether he knows I was the one that closed it. From the time I left him.....he's never communicated with me.....shoot, he didn't even bother to let me know that my old blind horse had been injured & had to be put down & he was right there at the ranch when it was happening.....I found out on facebook the next monday when my horse trainer & owner of where I board my horses posted about it.

On the drive here that first Christmas before I completely kicked him out.....he said that he thought I would never quit tolerating him & he was the one that didn't want a divorce because it would make him look like a failure

.......no duh.....I would say that his financial situation makes him look more like a failure than a divorce would ever do. Honestly I have no idea how he's paid his bills this month (only thing I care about is making sure the 5 of our dogs he kept are getting food). Maybe he just opened another account & with the auto deposit is just starting the whole cycle all over again......but there is going to be a day when everything around him is going to collapse & he's going to end up homeless because of his irresponsibility with his spending.

I have come to realize through the first T I had when I moved here who thought that H might have asperger's.......would explain all the inability to communicate that ruined the marriage....but the financial issues aren't necessarily aspergers......& there are other things that are just the fact that he's a total jerk. Whatever the reason.....

After closing the account.....I immediately called up my lawyer & got him onto getting the divorce going now.

Only problem I have is writing up the list of assets that I would like....all things I left in California....& probably had no way of bringing them here over the 2100 miles.....as I haven't even had money to drive there let alone rent the moving truck like I first came here with that cost $3000 just to drive the truck one way this 2100 miles.....& if he ends up homeless because he can't make the house payment.........then there will be no getting my things.

It's felt almost like the movie "sleeping with the enemy" only he wasn't physically abusive until the last few years & it was always within a fight that we were both involved in........but the freedom of being away from him & all his crap over the last 7 years has been so totally wonderful for me....I have really been able to find out who I really am & what I am really like when NOT PROVOKED into anger.

So even if I never get my things from California to put into my huge empty home that I keep praying gets hit by a tornado so I can rebuild with a nice small cabin......it's worth everything to be away from him & the divorce is to protect me against his financial irresponsibility.

It's obvious that he's definitely NOT the kind of person you could trust to take care of you in your old age.......I'm better off myself knowing my own financial state & being totally in control of my money & what I am willing to spend it on & to have the money to pay for everything before I buy something....

Divorce from out of state is a bit strange...as my lawyer writes up the agreement & mails it to him registered mail.....& he just has to sign it....& if he isn't willing to sign......then I understand that the lawyer has to post it in a local paper.....& knowing how stbxh never follows through with anything....signing the paper might or might not happen.

I have emails that say he's boxing up things to send me.....& I never hear another word from him......not even telling me how much the postage will be for me to cover it......He has NO ability to communicate & never has. You can't have a marriage without communication.....& it's never been there & there was never any emotional connection either.........

Sad because I should have listened to that little voice inside of me that told me NOT TO GET MARRIED to this guy before the wedding.....but listening to my mother (which is something I never did in the first place)....but she said he would grow up & become responsible....& I thought, he has a degree & the ability to have a good career.....how in the world could a college grad be a looser?

well I found out.....& the last 13 years of those 33 years was spent separated under the same roof....with my depression getting greater & greater & with OD's because I felt there was no other way to escape as every time I attempted to get a divorce....he would always put up some kind of block financially that was making it totally impossible.......NOW IT'S NO LONGER IMPOSSIBLE.....& my total freedom is JUST AROUND THE CORNER. The only battle will be the QDRO dealing with his retirement fund......but I have all the accounting showing all the money that he did get from the refi to help him pay for his expenses until it was all gone & we both only had our disability income to live on.....& his disability income is greater than mine......& in the loan modification I gave him the house through a quit claim even though my name is still on the loan....divorce & the judgment of the home being his responsibility through the divorce will take care of that problem.

Our daughter is in her 30's.....so there aren't any children issues involved in the divorce......I got irritated when he said that the retirement wasn't part of the divorce.....& told him to get a lawyer & his lawyer & mine would discuss it....but he obviously has no money for a lawyer.......

So we will see how all the paperwork ends up going......listing all those assets isn't easy....& basically doesn't mean anything except that if I am able to get out there & have the list approved in the divorce, then he can't fight me about the things....but who knows what even still exists in the house after 7 years????

Shoot, I still think I need to deal with my car that's sitting in the driveway.......that he managed to throw all the paperwork away on including the initial registration/ownership proof. He kept telling me for almost a year that I had it here with me....but I didn't even come here with my birth certificate....why in the world would I come here with the title to the car I left in California.....he was just being his typical jerk self....as he always made up his mind that something was the way he thought it was no matter how far from the truth & reality it was....& then he would fight you about it......Geez, I promised myself I wouldn't marry someone like my father......then I ended up with someone who did the same jerky crap.

I have no desire to ever get married again in my whole life....I would have to get hit over the head & knocked out cold by a guy being so totally awesome before I would ever consider getting married again.....& I doubt after all I have gone through that will EVER happen.

It's just so peaceful living totally alone without all that crap I lived with for 33 years......& the last 7 haven't been ok when dealing with him either.....just wonderful when he has nothing to do with my life.