I just don't get it
Why I have to do this all the time at the mo
The urges are sooo great
And I can't resist them
I began thinking this afternoon...
The only way I can think of to stop it
Is to have my hands cut off
Because I don't know what else would work
Is it because I've buried the current issues
And am not thinking about them at all- after not being able to STOP thinking about them?
Is it my way of feeling that pain without those thoughts?
Even 1 cut isn't enuf now
I couldn't stop at lunchtime
At least I haven't made the mistake I made the other day
Of doing it somewhere visible
Need to find another release...