Hi Butterflay76,
Thanks a lot for sharing your story. There are many components in it. To me, the fact that you are determined to improve your life is a positive thing. Then strength and perseverance are needed to produce the changes you envision. Here people told me to go step by step and not to try to resolve once for all. I think it will work. Perhaps you could try that method, too. I just wanted to tell you one more thing: nobody knows absolutely all about you, even yourself. And, nobody needs to know everything about you, either. You are yours.