Hey butterfly76,
your situation sounds very complicated but it seems you already have decided to change it and thought about what you want to change. I think this is a great start!
I don't know if my comments are any helpful. if not please ignore them. just take what may be useful to you.
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Originally Posted by butterfly76
3. During the time of separation from this boyfriend, I was living with another male friend.
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it seems the men in your life aren't always that helpful for you or are making your situation even more difficult. have you thought about not being with anybody whose problems you have to solve additionally to yours? -I know this may sound mean. but I don't say you should stop all the contact. I'm just talking about getting a little more space so you can concentrate on yourself. first you need to take care of yourself so you can help other people. it doesn't help them if you're miserable.
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Originally Posted by butterfly76
7. If this relationship doesn't work out this time, there is only 1 place that I can think of returning. I don't want to but I believe it is my only option. I really wanted to leave that place in my distant past.
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could you live somewhere else or on your own? are you sure that this is the only option? -there are always more possibilities if we start researching. I think it could be worth trying or at least bearing the idea in mind and if there is an opportunity coming up you know you want to take it.
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Originally Posted by butterfly76
5. I want so badly for my life to change for the better. I am tired of making the same stupid decisions, for keeping people in my life that do not support me, for keeping people in my life that are always drama. I love some of these people very much but I do not think they are good to have around me if I am going to change.
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you already know that!
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Originally Posted by butterfly76
8. I am about 20 pounds overweight. I am trying very hard to exercise, eat healthy. Sometimes I do ok, but wish I had a support system.
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I've been struggling with weight myself at a point in my life. I was successful eventually but trying first it was very hard. I didn't know how to do it. it was always all or nothing and that didn't work out. then I found it works better if I try to keep my habits very constant on an acceptable level. so I would not suffer from doing too much exercise or not eating enough. best is to exactly get as much as you need and not more or less. a support system can be very helpful there, too! first you can try and tell people around you that you try to lose weight and hopefully they will be supportive and not push you to eat bad food when eating together. (dinner invitations have always been a big issue for me!)
but seriously 20 pounds overweight can't make you that ugly!
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Originally Posted by butterfly76
9. I know my parents and sister love me, but sometimes I wonder if they knew all of my secrets they would still feel the same.
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so there you have some support! yeah, you don't need to tell them all your secrets. but I'm sure they would love you anyway. but you may trigger some discussions that you don't want right now.
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Originally Posted by butterfly76
10. It is almost August. I want the end of this year to be better than the first part. I need all the help that I can get from a higher power or something. I know I can't do it all on my own.
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you're already on your way there and you're not on your own!