I am feeling more alone and frightened than ever in my entire life. I do know much is the depression and the situational issues I now face, in combo of the two, I am now feeling so trapped and in fear. I spend much of time looking over my shoulder.

I have been here now for about a year or maybe 9mos. I go days without conversation with another human in my apartment. I believed I would be better here. I live now in fear. I live in constant fear. I no longer journal by hand nor on the computer as the one I speak of has a key to the apartment.

I am unable to go to where the person lives with their spouse, my step parent who will not speak to me and has not spoken to me since month of December. I am not able to go there without leaving in a total state of fear and terrorized. I feel trapped in here.

I forget at times I am really allowed to leave here. I forget that I am allowed to go places besides the store. I physically have taken a big turn for the worse. I am progressing in my disease.

Month of Janurary had to find a new primary care provider, did as was advised, the one has seen me only a few times. The MD is abusive to me in the way spoken to. The nurse rolls her eyes at me and sighs as I try to express my concerns.

I still have such pain seeing pain management, recently I was threatened by the person with the key to be put in a home. I am in my mid thirty's and this is a small town. I fell in Feb and cracked 2 ribs. I waited 10 days before calling new MD. They ordered outpatient xray of chest. I have never been exam in person for this. I phoned in regard to remaining pain in my sternum and upper underarm bruising and pain not that of my usual chronic pain no return call from md.

I have since fallen about for or five times since then. Called, not seen or tested or xray. I recent developed a bad infection or rash on my stomach and was taking an antibiotic form md and had reaction stopped taking it. I then had recent monthly appt with pain mngmt, told pm doc and showed them as been treating me for 4 years same person every month, advised me to seek treatment from this primary md as in all the time of chronic skin condition seen of this pmandoc never has seen the way it is looking now. Told this to nurse, who talked to primary md who said needed ot go to out of town dermatologist.

Not willing to examine the skin that day and made out town appt for 2 days later. I was too ill to make it there out of town. Went out of town to ER and was told have perifial neurapathy in both hands and feet from the appearance and obtained records from old md.

Now, too scared to even try and go anywhere else or call office. I have been with fever over month. I in fear of leaving here several days ago without this one with the key to enter here while I was gone and so purchased a doorknob lock with keys and attempted to install it, and failed, so had hole and no doorknob only deadbolt, told someone else in family and they put old knob back on and so sick the other day gathered my things and took my pet in carrier to try and find a way from here and failed and ended up running into the person and their spouse at a store where I was trying failed to buy some grocerys,I fled the store lot.

seeming minutes later the person showed up here and I said I was sick and night before woke on kitchen floor and not sure what time and that have been having trouble with balance and this was first time the person here for over 2 weeks.

I am not overtaking the meds and dont know where to go or what to do. First of month did do 15 loads of clothes at laundry mat after told not to worry they would do laundry for me, only all the clothing I own was dirty and no effort or talk of helping after saying would help.

I was so exhausted and sick that I slept from the night seen this person at the store, for 36-hours. Not talked to since that night. Do not want to talk or see. Only made dependant on money.

Several times came here I was asleep and used their key and I asked them to leave. Please leave here and they would not do so. I dont know. I am independant and apartment people said to me no complaints and no worry of being evicted contrary to being told by this person.

I am going to try and find some way out today and should be ok for now until at least 3 hours as they are at church only afraid to leave pet here.