Internalize... that is the word I was looking for, but couldn't think of.

I cannot internalize him, not even for a second.

I can't even internalize my husband. If he's not next to me, then he's gone.

I have compared these two things to my T. I'm going to tell him on Tuesday, how the impact of a wonderful session left me disconnected yet again.

If I saw him 7 days a week, I'd probably still be lost.