SkyWhite, yes, it is a horrible, miserable thing all around. Please hang in there, you have to have hope it will get better. And, you have to have determination to make it better. The passive voice, "hope it will get better" leaves it up to fate. The active voice which says "make it better" is the true voice of empowerment. The problem is that the path is often very murky. Or, in some ways, it is more like a trying to negotiate a minefield, you know you have to get through it, but it is extremely terrifying and you don't know which way to go to get through safely.

The shame thing - I know it's easy to say "don't be ashamed". And you shouldn't. But, I can't shake that feeling. And I SO relate to your statement "how could anyone know unless they've been through it". After my stay in the day hospital program, I kept telling my therapist how ashamed, etc., I was. She kept telling me I shouldn't feel that way. Perhaps she is right, intellectually I know she is right in principal. But, until SHE has that hanging around her neck, I don't think she is qualified to speak to how I feel about it.